We Need to Find You a Man


“Excuse me?”

I wasn’t sure I heard right. One of my very dear male friends was suggesting he could help me find a man. Joe (not his real name) has been happily married for years to an incredible woman. The suggestion came out of love, hoping I could find the same happiness.

“I’m not interested in looking for a man.”

“Why wouldn’t you be interested? Just think, you could get married and have someone to share your life with…”

It has been many twentyย years since I last dated. After a divorce, dating and a really difficult breakup, I decided to focus my attention on raising my son, being successful at work and living a very full life.

“Just give me a list of what you’reย looking for so I have something to work with.”

“Okay…if you really want to know.”

“I do.”

“Do you have a piece of paper ready?”

“Go ahead.”

“He has to be a pilot or have international flight benefits so I can travel all over the world.”


“Love photography, be a Canon guy with all the lenses I want so we can share…”

Raised eyebrows…

“He would not require any space in my master bedroom closet, pay for the cleaning service, love to cook, only come home every other weekend…”

Now I was on a roll, gesturing madly and pacing around the room. Taking a breath, I turned around to see if I was talking too fast and I found myself alone. Joe had decided to take care of more serious business.

What Joe didn’t know is that God and I have an agreement. Since I suck at picking men, I’ve left it up to Him. Our understanding is, that if it’s supposed to happen, He’ll drop the guy into my lap and put out a flashing neon sign that says, “THIS IS HIM! THIS IS HIM!” I don’t want to overlook my perfect guy by mistake. No signs and no guy in my lap. I’m okay with that.

Still, I love that Joe cares enough about me to make the attempt. It’s always good to have friends.


Hahaha! This made me laugh! I’m not looking for one but if I were, “does not require space in my masters bedroom closet” would definitely on my list too!

Shelley Dennis

Ha! God must have a standard form, because I filled out the same one with Him! And we must have the same friends, because I keep getting the same question from mine, as well! Thanks for putting into words what most of us “non-twenty-year-olds” are thinking!


Haha. Love this! And it’s even funnier you got Joe to walk out of the room! That’s a good way to get someone to shut up!

I’ve already made the decision that IF, God forbid, something happened between my husband and I (divorce is the if, death is the when of course) that I would not marry again. He is my second marriage and I have zero interest in walking down that aisle a third time.

Lisa Froman

I enjoyed this! And I totally get it. I am divorced and my boyfriend lives with me….and mostly I adore him. But sometimes I think it would be great if we had two houses. LOL.


Isn’t it amazing how no one believes you can be content without a significant other? You handled this perfectly and with humor.


You’re welcome, Shelley! It makes it so much easier when God’s in charge, doesn’t it? We need to get together sometime this summer. It would be good to catch up!


Kim, I hope you and your husband have a wonderful, healthy long life together. I love seeing people who are happy in their relationships. It would be a difficult choice for me to jump back in again after being single for so long. I’m game, if it’s the right guy, but I have very high expectations.


Lisa, A male friend of mine and I just talked about that a few months ago. He knows a married couple that have two condos in the same building. That could work!!

Kathy @ SMART Living 365.com

Ha! Isn’t it great how people are convinced they know exactly what we need? Of course as a very happily married person myself, it is VERY natural to want everyone we know and love to experience the same thing we are….But unfortunately it is hard enough for us to figure out what will make US happy without trying to figure out what will make YOU happy! And from my perspective it is far, far better to be on your own than stuck in a relationship with someone who doesn’t “fit” you. When it’s right, it will be right, and you’ll know. ~Kathy

Aussa Lorens

Those are some legit qualifications, I say. And I vote for continuing to make your life whatever and however you want it to be, without focusing on trying to satisfy other people’s wishes for your life. Though you’re right and these wishes are made out of love… You’re the one who has to live your life and/or make closet space sacrifices.

Dawn Miquel

Didn’t get to my email last night and now look at all the comments! This one touched a lot of us in various ways. For me, I admire your freedom and independence and also how you use your time so well. You’ve inspired me to inject more of it into my own married life.

And your comedic delivery of the conversation with “Joe” is right on! As I was reading, it was like a video running in my mind as I was laughing to myself and shaking my head. Now that’s good writing!


Hi Aussa! I was watching a movie the other day with Sandra Bullock where she made a wish for a man with characteristics so unusual, she didn’t believe it would ever happen. Who knows? A woman can always dream. But I am very happy with where I am in my life, because I’m taking time to appreciate the good things and not focus so much on the negatives.


Good morning, Dawn. You’ve brought a smile to my face. It doesn’t usually happen this early in the morning. I hope that I make a difference so I really appreciate your comments. I sent “Joe” the link. I can’t wait to hear his response. ๐Ÿ™‚


I love love love this. I too pick the worst men (though some are incredibly wonderful people) for me for reasons I’m very aware of.
And live a very full life but am childless and lately have been feeling that the blogosphere only wants married people with children!


We’ve had this discussion… Just look for the guy with the flight benefits and the canon lenses and shack up. Skip the marriage bit – financially it’s much easier to be single. Ok, maybe if he’s a gazillionaire and doesn’t want a pre-nup.


We have had that discussion, Sue. If I ever fall madly in love, my next step will be to talk to you for a dose of common sense. ๐Ÿ™‚

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