Valentine’s Day Victims

Broken Heart Valentine's Day
I’m not one of those people who can think of the perfect thing to say at exactly the right moment. I wish I were. Instead, I have to chew on things for awhile. So, I’m either a bit too late or way too early for this party.

Regardless, let’s get back to yesterday. I’m happily single, so Valentine’s Day is not an emotional roller coaster for me. After reading articles, tweets, posts and a number of other writings over the last week, I decided to make a day after Valentine’s Day suggestion.

There were many singles who were distraught about not having a significant other on the BIG day. I get it. I was there at one time, hoping for just the right guy to mesh into my life. But ladies and gents, I’m sorry to say we were still single every other day this year. So why was yesterday the pinnacle of singlehood disaster? 

There were some married people who were expecting BIG things from their sweeties. In many cases, the BIG things were what the guys were supposed to do. Did anyone forget that love works two ways? I remember the blog post by Seth Adam Smith that went viral, Marriage Isn’t for You. Ladies, did you do something special for your Valentine or was it all up to him? 

What if we reframe the day? What if we make it about other people instead of us? Who in your life needed a Valentine yesterday and did you step up to give it to them? When I say “Valentine” I don’t mean a card, I mean each of us as a person. Did I become the “Valentine” or the gift to give to someone who needed a loving friend or family member?

I know I’m a day late, but just think, now we have a year to plan ahead. Maybe, instead of expecting gifts that are supposed to prove we are loved, we can be the gift that shows someone else they are.

So, are you a Valentine’s Day victim or were you the awe-inspiring Valentine? Let’s take a different approach to Valentine’s Day next year or maybe, check out all the roses and candy on the sales rack today…

Susan Bonifant

I think I had every one of these thoughts this week, and you’ve put the right words to them. In a timely way I might add. The “designated love day” aspect has always felt like artificial pressure. Love worth having should be appreciated every day, IMO.

jasteck

Thank you, Susan. A lot of the things I read made me sad, including incredible people who beat themselves up because they don’t have a date on Valentine’s Day or lists of things that are required for married people to show their love. No offense to the writers, but I agree with you. It’s the everyday things that matter and I’m worth something, even if I’m single.

Tom Witowski

Every day is Valentine’s Day. No card company has to remind me to do something for or say something nice to my spouse. I have been in love with my wife for 41 years. If I have to be forced/shamed or reminded to make a the “effort”, then I either need to fix the relationship (two to tango here)or cut my losses and move on. Life’s too short to be in an unhappy, unfulfilled relationship.

Bluestar68

I loved what you said about reframing the day. I am happily single and at peace with it now for some years. I made a conscious decision to step away from the whole dating thing so I am not envious of those who are happy couples. In fact they know I am very happy for them. So for those who are where I am, I like what what you said about making Valentine’s Day about other people instead of us. I like the idea of a circle of love and doing something, no matter how small for those in that circle on Valentine’s Day. A kind word, a special smile, taking the time to listen, calling someone you haven’t t spoken to in a while to say Hi……… So thanks for the push to “reframe”……

jasteck

Sometimes it doesn’t take much to make someone’s day. I love your idea of a circle of love. I tried to make a difference this year, but with all this time to plan, next year is going to be amazing!!

Kathy

When I was in early adulthood I waited for the Valentine to be given to me complete with fancy dinner and flowers. Now I am single and would much rather do something nice daily and not just one day to show my love. I did give my son and daughter in law a free night so they could go out but I also received-a night with my granddaughter so it was a win-win
Great post. Thanks for sharing

Aussa Lorens

I ended up being crazy sick for Valentines Day– the boyfriend brought me crackers and gatorade and made me soup. Most freaking romantic thing anyone has ever done for me. I like your tips for next year– let’s turn some tables, yeah.

Kim

I’m the apathetic Valentine who just kicks back and enjoys a quiet evening at home with hubby. It works. Neither one of us is too big on sappy, lovey dovey romance whether it’s Valentine’s Day or any other day of the year. We take care of each other and do little things but it’s because we want to, not out of obligation. Most of the time. LOL

jasteck

Karen- You are so right. It should happen way more often than once a year.

Kathy- That sounds like a fabulous gift! A WIN-WIN-WIN. Don’t forget your granddaughter also got to share some treasured time with her incredible grandmother. 🙂

jasteck

I hope you are feeling better, Aussa. Sounds like you have a fabulous guy there. I’m game for turning tables alright…and you are one of the people who I’d love to have help me do it.

jasteck

That sounds perfect, Kim. Spending time together without any urgent complications. I’m a homebody most of the time so I can relate to that. 🙂

UP

V day drives me only slightly less crazy than Christmas. I never know what to get as TLW is not a chocolate fan, detests roses, and is a fabulous cook. We dined in, cooked together, I renewed her favorite sewing magazine and gave her a pedicure coupon.

Frankly, it was a win for me.

And her.

jasteck

That sounds like a perfect Valentine’s Day. Sometime’s it’s the simplest things that are the best. Especially with a pedicure on top of everything else. 🙂

Considerer

Such a lovely thought, Jennifer, and one I’ve actually seen echoed elsewhere in the Blogosphere (though you got in there first).

I decided that in addition to the gifts I got for Husby, I would tell some important friends the reasons WHY they were so special to me. It was terrifying but paid huge dividends and my heart is happy 🙂

jasteck

I’m so glad you had a wonderful day, Lizzi. What a nice gift to give to people who are special to you. They’ll never forget this Valentine’s Day. You’ve made it memorable.

Chris Carter

You KNOW I love this idea… and that is really how the holiday SHOULD be. But unfortunately there are many selfish people that expect the gifts and love to come to them, and not vice versa. I am all about doing this Jennifer!! Great message here. 🙂

jasteck

With all of the amazing voices in our different groups, we can help make some changes, Chris. I plan to revisit the idea at the end of the year.

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