Did You Just Call me Ma’am?

Ma'am in the mirror
“Thank you, ma’am.”

Ma’am? Ma’am? Did she just call me ma’am!!!???

I remember the first time someone called me ma’am. I was at a store purchasing clothing and after I finished paying, the teenager called me ma’am. I immediately told her, “I’m not a ma’am!” and stomped out. Talk about a life changing moment! These days, ma’am doesn’t phase me. I’m actually appreciative of how respectful it sounds.

But then, my son told me about a shocking experience he had last week. He was buying dinner at Chipotles when the guy called him “sir”. Right away he demanded they not call him “sir”. When they asked what he wanted to be called, he said, “I don’t know, dude maybe, but definitely not sir.” As he explained his frustration, it threw me back right into the first ma’am moment.

Oh crap! Now I have a son that is a sir!

The last straw was on Monday when I took a class in finances and the thirty-something instructor looked out across the room and referred to us as an “older” audience. And then, she talked about us seniors who would soon be retiring. That was over the line!

NO…I DON’T ACCEPT IT!

Just because AARP has been sending me solicitations for five years now, doesn’t mean a thing. I tear each one up. Pretty soon I’ll be taking the blank documents and returning them in the postage paid envelopes. There…that’ll teach ’em.

I’ve decided I’m drawing the line. I’m not a senior! I’m defining senior as sixty-five…or at least until someone offers me a worthwhile senior discount. Then, I might just reconsider.

Wearing Failure on my A$$

rearviewmirror

It’s funny, and sad at the same time, that when I finish a tough project and want to say “I worked my ass off”, I stop and mumble something else. After all, it’s clear to everyone, including me, that my ass isn’t any smaller.

Maintaining my weight hasn’t been a problem. I’ve been this same size for the last 10-12 years. Super-sized. I’ve been successful at a number of things during my life, but my most visible sign of failure follows me around every day. This baby “got back”.

Five years until I retire. I want to lose seventy-five pounds before then.

Reasonable? Yes. Doable? Definitely, yes.

During this time of self reflection, here is my first goal:

Improve my health beginning with:

  • Walking an average of one mile each day, over and above movement I would make in the normal course of a day

Losing the “rear” in my rear view mirror? Sounds like a plan.  🙂

3.1/1  (Translation: I walked 3.1 miles or a 5K on day 1) Woohoo!!

It Jumped Off the Shelf

Scared student. Shocked young woman looking out of a book and looking away

Honestly, I just went there to get a magazine. Easy in and out, right?

First off, the store had every magazine except for the blogging one I was looking for. So I settled for one on another topic that looked interesting. I can’t leave a book store empty handed. It’s against book lover rules. (I did leave once, but only because the line was really, really long.)

Since I didn’t find the magazine, I needed a book about blogging so I can improve my writing skills. Check. Got it. Then, I walked by the best seller display on my way to the cashier. Out of the left side of my vision, something moved. In self defense, I jumped back taking a ninja pose while still balancing my stack of stuff. As we all know, book stores can be dangerous.

Hmmm…it was a colorful book covered in quirky cartoon drawings. I like colorful and I love quirky. After I looked around a bit to ensure my safety, I picked it up and flipped though a few pages. Without warning, a giggle slipped out. I quickly looked around. Did anyone notice? No. 

I had to finish reading the page, didn’t I? The giggle grew into a loud guffaw. Now people were staring. I still couldn’t put the book down. I struggled to keep myself quiet and dignified. No luck. People began directing their children away from me.

A bit embarrassed, but refusing to lose my treasure, I put it on my ever expanding pile. As I headed towards checkout, I glanced back. There was no sign this book had ever been on those shelves. They were completely filled with other more “traditional” best seller kinds of books.

I’m convinced that this book somehow dashed to a shelf where I was sure to see it. Then as I walked by, it tried to grab me. What can you do when a new, shiny, full color, cartoon style book reaches out for you, looking longingly into your eyes? The only thing you can. Adopt it on the spot.

I left the store and headed to the closest and loudest sports bar I could find so my obnoxious laughter wasn’t noticeable as I read while eating lunch.

I went to purchase a $10 magazine and spent $80. (I should know better than to enter a bookstore for only one item.) The best thing I discovered in the book store was a talented and funny writer. Someone I’d never heard of forced me to laugh out loud in delight. Guess what? Allie Brosh is not just a book writer, she’s also a blogger and I’ve already subscribed. After all, it’s good research.

Here’s her book: Hyperbole and a Half

Click here for Allie’s blog.